Exhaustion

I did finish a project this month. I stayed up all night last night to do so. I’m literally falling asleep as I type this. I will post an actual post in the next few days. I need to recover from the mad dash crocheting session of last night. But, the kiddo loved her costume.

Sometimes It’s Too Hard

I have yet another month where I haven’t successfully finished any projects. It’s taken all of my energy, physical and emotional, to crawl out bed. I haven’t even succeeded in that some days this last month; some days it was too hard to even think about getting out of bed.

I’ve been in a mild arthritis flare. My anxiety levels have been high. I don’t even know what the depression has been doing, other than trying to go unnoticed but whispering behind my back the entire time. I don’t remember where I was going with this.

Because of the arthritis flare, I couldn’t finish the tulip. The thread is too tiny. I had no desire to start working with the brown and cream yarn. I didn’t even read much this month. If I wasn’t doing what I needed then I was in my bed.

I did make it out to the Kentucky Sheep and Fiber Festival. I went with another crafty friend, or I wouldn’t have left the house. We’d made these plans weeks in advance. I know that’s the only reason I actually made it, despite how much I wanted to go. We walked around and stared at everything, talked to people, and collected business cards. It took a couple of hours, and I was exhausted. After we paused for food, we went back and visited some booths. I bought a beautiful batt to spin, an adorable needle felted rabbit who is now known as Chai, and couple other little things for the crafty stuff. I spent the next day in bed barely able to move.

The project I started is a little sling bag for an aluminum bottle I have.  I’m half double crocheting the entire thing and making it up as I go along. I’m sure there’s a pattern out there, but I couldn’t be bothered to look for one.

I started writing a few days ago, but after a few hours, I only had a hundred words or so.  I feel better, but I don’t feel like my normal self. I took no pictures of the little bit of crocheting I started nor at the Fiber Festival. It hasn’t been a great month for my goals.

I don’t know what next month will look like. I have no idea which project I’ll focus on- if I focus on any.

Welcome!

Hello, my name is Jeff. Actually, it isn’t, I was told to say that by Sara* because I’m not good at introductions. It stems from my anxiety. I’m Hannah.

I started knitting when I was sixteen. I had a sprained ankle. I was on crutches and told to keep my butt in a chair. Admittedly, I have a hard time being still. I was active, an athlete. Chair rest was making me crazy. About that time, my father brought me home the library books I’d reserved, plus an extra one: Chicks with Sticks (It’s a purl thing) by Elizabeth Lenhard.

My dad thinks he’s funny. I was mesmerized by the descriptions of knitting in the book. The first weekend after I’d finished the book, I pestered him until he took me to a Joann’s. I came home with a beginner’s knitting kit, and I had a scarf in two hours. It was not a very good scarf, but I was addicted.

Knitting satisfied my urge to move. It became a lifeline two years later when my depression and anxiety got much worse. I was 18, and I had just been told that I had rheumatoid arthritis. I didn’t handle it well. I don’t really remember handling it, actually.

I had all but stopped knitting at that point. But, after an extreme reaction to an RA medicine, I went to the store and bought some needles and yarn. I made a scarf and then another. Over the next six months, I’d made four or five scarves and a hat. All of them were basic stockinette or garter stitch.

I intend to post on the last day of every month. I’ll show you the projects I start and finish. Mostly the ones I start, though. I get easily distracted by things. I have a few big projects coming up, and some exciting things I’ve been dying to start. I’ve also had a lot of stressors this past month. I’ll discuss all that as well.

Join me and create some peace, too.

*Sara is a very good friend of mine. She’s one of the people who gets spammed by my anxiety fueled self-doubts.